A few more rules to this one.
• No superhero films.
• Nothing before 2000.
• No Tarantino.
• No Action Comedies.
If these rules weren’t in place, the list would be compiled exclusively of Marvel, DC, Kill Bill and Cornetto Trilogy. As always, I will add things that need adding. I can’t be bothered to think of a witty intro. Here you go.
This almost didn’t make it. I had Akira lined up for No.5 until I realised it was from 1988. So then I had to get rid of it and move everything up a place and now your favourite (probably) gentleman spy is No.10. Don’t get me wrong though, this is a helluva film. Don’t confuse my cynicism for reluctance. This is probably my favourite Bond outing. Bring on the “YOU’RE WRONG SUCH AND SUCH IS THE BEST BOND!” comments!
9. Sherlock Holmes
I hadn’t watched this until a good few years after it was released. However, when I finally did watch it, I had realised what I’d missing out on. The style is unique, the pace is perfect. This, along with Iron Man, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Tropic Thunder, secure my opinion that Robert Downey Jr. is one of the great actors of his generation.
8. The Bourne Ultimatum
I am a firm fan of Robert Ludlum’s trilogy (forgetting about Legacy) and each of the films in it are pulse-pounding, exhilerating thrill rides. On terms of narrative, however, Ultimatum just pips it due to the big, fat conclusion. And it’s a hell of a big, fat conclusion. From what I remember, manure definitely hits the fan.
7. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
I’m not a massive fan of the fantasy genre. Much of the culture goes over my head, save this and The Elder Scrolls games. I know this is a film that everyone has seen or will see at some point in their lives and that it is was probably a shoe in for the list and that it’s not the fan favourite of the series but, as I’ve stated many times before, this is my list so I don’t give a flying frick (Speedy isn’t a fan of the swearing).
6. Edge of Tomorrow
This is an adaption done correctly. The source material being a manga, it could’ve a been a massive disaster, an americanised, generic action thriller. It wasn’t though, oh no. It was definitely americanised but it had an essence of the 80’s action movie about it, the barracks scenes in particular reminding me fondly of Aliens. This might of had something to do with the fact that professional hunk Bill Paxton had the role of Sergeant Whatshisname.
5. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
The latest in the series known for titles longer than the film itself, Dawn of the Rise of the War of the Conquest of the Return of the Planet of the Apes is a technological achievement, with it’s use of motion capture to create seemingly living apes, with a little of help from Gollum himself, Andy Serkis. As a film, Rise of the Planet of the Apes slightly betters the sequel. But this about action films and monkeys with guns on horses beats James Franco looking sad.
4. Mad Max: Fury Road
My second favourite film of the year so far (I bet you couldn’t give less of a shizzle what my favourite is), Max Rockatanksy’s reboot is a euphoric, mind trip due to the, I can’t stress this enough, absolutely mental characters and costumes. However, the most eye catching feature of this film is it’s visuals. I have never in my bet-you’d-like-to-know years of living seen such bright, bold, eye-sweltering colours on a mainstream release. It looks like the scribblings of two year old remastered by Picasso then pushed through the joint minds of Noel Fielding, Tim Burton and George Miller then vomited onto the screen by a drunk unicorn, if you can picture that.
The top 3. Yeah.
This widely forgotten 2010 action thriller does just what it says on the tin, nothing more. This is not a “most boring, forgettable, generic action films” list though is it. “So why is a, judging by your first sentence, seemingly boring, forgettable, generic action film doing on your list?” I hear you scream uncontrollably at the computer screen. I’ll tell you, but you need to promise to keep your mind intact while I blow it. Not like that. I going to stop ranting. It’s on the list because the action is some of the best I’ve seen in quite a while. The fact that the lead is a Hit-Girl-esque assassin child makes this film even cooler.
I bet when you saw the “No Superheroes” rule you thought there would be no Christopher Nolan. You are wrong, very, very wrong. I know what you’re thinking, “Oh Dearest Uncle, you seem to be ranting” and you are right but I’ve earned that right because I’ve written a lot a stuff lately so shut up and listen my nephews and nieces. Inception is a masterpiece. It is. A masterpiece of storytelling. A masterpiece of concept. But, most importantly in this context, a masterpiece of action. With it’s time-bending sequences and, of course, the hallway fight, Inception has not a bit of unoriginal action in it.
Don’t worry, there aren’t many honourable mentions this time.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Now then, boys and girls, gather around Uncle Milo as he tells you his favourite modern action movie. Okay? Oi! Jimmy! Get over here, you slag!
1. The Equalizer
No, not the Edwood Woodwood TV show, the Denzel Washington remake. For starters, you’ve got Denzel Washington, who rules over us along with Bill Paxton, and Chloe Grace Moretz, two immensely talented actors, Chloe Moretz being famous for being the little girl that said the C-Word, and an already great bit of source material. As shown above, the action is just awesome, throughout, with Denzel not even flinching as he corkscrews people in the face, keeping them alive, barely, to interrogate them. I have a small query about the poster, though. It shows Mr. Washingston holding a gun. This would be just fine is he used a gun at least once in the film, but he doesn’t. You read correctly, he doesn’t shoot one gun through the entire film. He kills people with power tools and his bare hands, like a man. It didn’t take me until the first action sequence to realise that this is the film for me.
Lots of hugs, kisses and lacerations