As you could probably guess by the year in the title, this is not the sewage-worthy 2014 remake, this is the blood-spurting, gun-bending, rapist-ball-shooting 1987 classic. Without the CGI and, begrudingly, without Samuel L Jackson, I am reviewing a film that everyone should see at one point in their lives.

Obviously, the characters are pretty original. Each of the gangsters has a seperate personality. The black guy is ear-bleedingly loud, the boss is a sadistic, brutal fella and Emil… I’ll let this picture explain Emil:

Emil

I can’t be the only one aroused by this. Am I? Really? Oh.

If you thought that Robocop would be without a black police commissioner who don’t take nothing from no one, I would gladly remind you that this is the 80’s we’re talking about, every film had a black police commissioner who don’t take nothing from no one. There are other people on the force, none are notable, except for Officer Lewis. She is a breath of fresh air as she dosen’t fit the normal damsel in distress mechanic. I say this, but the 80’s also saw Aliens so you can pretty much disregard everything I just said.

Another group worth mentioning are the corporate scumbags. Firstly, there is Bob Morton, the vice CEO. I had him pegged as the guy behind it all from the start, like he created Robocop for some sort of ulterior motive. Admittedly, I was wrong. It wasn’t him but Dick (ha ha) Jones. I can’t exactly remember his position. But what I can gather is that he and Bob are not friends. I think I may have gathered this when Dick hired Mr. Mob Boss to kill Bob right in the middle of his Let’s Snort Cocaine Off of a Pair of Breasts Party. I know I wouldn’t want to be killed in the middle of one of them. They sound wild.

Last but not least, actually first, is Alex J Murphy, Robocop in the flesh titanium. When Mr. Mob Boss and co. shoot off most of his limbs, he is reborn as “Part man. Part machine. All cop. The future of law enforcement.” I challenge you to find a cooler tagline. Not literally. To cut an hour and forty two minutes short, he shoots a lot, and I mean a lot, of stuff.

Oh, and Bixby Snyder. You may not know the name, but you definitely know the face:

i'd buy that for a dollar

The Blu-Ray is actually $8.99.

I wrote a lot more than I thought I would about the characters and story.

The action isn’t my type of action. My type being swordplay and fistfights and kung fu and drills to the face etc. However, this film packs more firepower than Rambo being funded by some sort of Russian superpower, that is not a bad thing. Unlike most films in the genre, each shot is shown to do some sort of damage, graphically. The amount of blood spurts is unreal, especially in the “famous” scene. By this I mean the scene where Murphy gets shot many a time. Oh! Spoiler Alert.

In conclusion, don’t watch Robocop if you don’t like:

Blood

Awesomeness

Robots

Toxic Creatures

Rapists getting their balls shot off

If you do like these things, give it a go, you won’t regret it.

90/100

Lots of hugs, kisses and lacerations

Uncle Milo

Robocop balls

You are very welcome.

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5 thoughts on “Robocop (1987) – Review

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