No! Don’t leave immediately because of the exclusion of females! There will be a seperate list for them so they all get the recognition they deserve. These are the men of cinema that kick ass. They cause pain in those that are against them and they do it in a way that makes moviegoers go “oooh! aaah! yes! YES! WOOOOO!” If you get my jist. There may or may not be characters from comics but I will be considering their movie renditions. There probably won’t be any “wisecracking, action heroes” like John McClane or any “unstoppable, invincible” people like John McClane. A few controversial picks but I remain with them. These guys have got the skills. Last sentence I promise, this was meant to be a top ten but there was so many I had to upgrade.

15. Oh Dae-Su – Oldboy

Oldboy - Hammer Time

Hammer Time.

Two words – Hallway Fight. Two other words – With Hammer. These four collective words prove that, even after being imprisoned for 15 years, still has the skills. A couple of years ago, there was an American remake of this film. Don’t watch it, or do, I couldn’t care less. However, I urge you to watch this either way.

14. Kato – The Green Hornet

Kato

Unpopular opinion alert! I liked this film. I liked it, a lot. While I may be in the minority of my opinion of this film, there is no denying that Jay Chou’s rendition of Kato is a thoroughly badass one. I am especially a fan of his stopping time, sherlock holmes-y move.

13. Blade – Blade

Blade

It’s Wesley Snipes. Why hasn’t Wesley Snipes done a lot lately? Blade Trinity. But before that he was the loner, vampire slaying vampire slayer. Just look at that grin, how charming! And look at Blade’s blade, how charminger! He will kill you with just a flick of that leather jacket…and his katana…and his bladey thing…and his guns.

12. Neo – The Matrix

Neo

Last year, after some debate, I watched The Matrix for the first time. As soon as I saw Trinity’s little jump thing, I knew I was going to like it. For the record, I am disregarding the sequels as they are sacrilige and they are something we shall never talk about on this website, ever. As you can see from the gif. above, when Neo gets his act together, he don’t even need to use both hands. I have mentioned before my love of fistfights and martial arts and this is a prime example of it.

11. Darth Vader – Star Wars

Darth Vader

What?! This isn’t No.1? You better believe it and you better like it. Until I checked the comments on Empire Magazine’s Badass List (crap by the way), I hadn’t even considered this, I don’t know why. It may be because, although he does do a little bit, he doesn’t do a lot of fighting. I based this list on how much ass they kicked and he didn’t kick that much ass. However, how could I do an article about badasses and miss James Earl Jones, who do you think I am?

10. Mark “Chopper” Read – Chopper

Chopper

15 years ago, there was an indie film starring a then relatively unknown Eric Bana. It chronicled the life of one of Australia’s most dangerous criminals, Mark “Chopper” Read. This film was a biography. It may be hard to believe when you are watching it, but everything (ish) in the film is true. That is what elevates this character’s badass level.

9. Conan – Conan the Barbarian

Conan - Ooooooh! Nice Shoes!

There must be a sale on at Primark.

Honestly, the only reason this guy is on here is so I could use that picture. I can justify his position with the fact that he’s a barbarian, he must be pretty badass. I wouldn’t know, I haven’t seen it.

8. V – V for Vendetta

V

Like Batman crossed with every British stereotype ever, V is the sophisticated vigilante. He kills with an otherworldly grace, something that makes me swoon. Not a lot of things make me swoon. His final act is a masterpiece of tragedy and violence.

7. King Leonidas – 300

King Leonidas

Time to get macho, time to get shouty, time to get a little bit homoerotic? Joking aside, if you rule a society so brutish that they can kick people down holes and no one bats an eye, you’re doing something right.

6. Billy Lo – Game of Death

Billy Lo

You know when I was talking about martial arts? In the Neo bit? Yeah? Ok. Well this is the master of martial arts, so much so he made his own up because he frickin’ could. How could miss him out? I used this iteration of Lee because he is in his iconic yellow sweatsuit, something that was worn to perfection by Uma Thurman, someone you may find on the sister list to this one.

This would be the point where I’d make some sort of witty remark about how the list is halfway finished, but this is a top fifteen so you’re even closer to the end, you lucky thing!

5. John Rambo – First Blood

Rambo

I know what you’re thinking “Uncle, oh dearest uncle, you stated that you would not include “invinsible” heroes, so why is Rambo, the king of invinsible heroes, on this list?” I’ll tell you, nephews and nieces, like The Matrix, we are disregarding all sequels, as they were Hollywoodised and the definition of ridiculous. In First Blood, however, Rambo is a desperate man pushed to his limits. It’s all very real, he is very hurtable, shown by his real, yes real, sewing up of his wounds. But he is killa, no doubt about it.

4. Bane – The Dark Knight Rises

Bane

You’ve heard Speedy nerdgasm over this film in his Top Ten Movies article. Like almost everyone else, I prefer The Dark Knight. However, this is a close second and Bane is liable for 68% of that opinion. Everything, from his lines to his muscles, is sooooooooooo cool. I am a massive fan of the sewer fight and the raw brutality of it.

I’m as tired as you are, let’s get this top 3 done.

3. Jules Winnfeld – Pulp Fiction

Yes, he is the baddest of motherfornicators.

Yes, he is the baddest of motherfornicators.

The original bad mofo, Jules Winnifeld is the definition of cool, as cool as a cucumber, and cucumbers are cool. One of the most quotable characters ever put to film, this is what made SLJ into one of our rulers that we must obey or have our souls sent to damnation. From his unconventional sermon to his reluctant vegetarianism, you would not want to pickpocket this guy.

2. Judge Dredd – Dredd

Judge Dredd

My turn to nerdgasm. If you are the one person that regularly visits this site, in which case Hi Mum!, then you’ll know that I have a special place in my heart for Judge Dredd and the only reason I couldn’t put him No. 1 is because there was another film that inspired this one and the main in that has to be No. 1. We disregard you, Sly.

Finally! I mean, finally, we get to No. 1 but, apparantly I’m going to “obnoxiously block your view of what got number one”.

“Tequila” Yuen – Hard Boiled

Anton Chigurh – No Country for Old Men

Marv – Sin City

Hellboy – Hellboy

Clubber Lang – Rocky III

Rorscach – Watchmen

Mr. Blonde – Reservoir Dogs

Denzel Washington – Everything Denzel Washington is in (Yes, even Philadelphia)

No. 1 will surprise you. You couldn’t predict it. I am prepared for any hate that can come from it. However, I stand firmly by it.

1. Rama – The Raid

Rama

An Indonesian action film directed by Gareth Evans, The Raid is slowly growing in popularity, earning itself an equally good sequel and inspiring Dredd. The star of both the original and sequel is rookie cop Rama, a multi-talented officer that will beat the living hell out of anyone. The film is essentially a massive fight and Rama won.

If you’re disappointed, tough shite.

Lots of hugs, kisses and lacerations

Uncle Milo

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