I have bad-mouthed the Call of Duty franchise in the past, not on this website so don’t go looking for it, for being a bland, generic, too-serious-for-it’s-own-good “go over there and shoot that thing that is bad and could end the world and stuff” type of game. Moreover, when I fed my console the disc, I wasn’t expecting much, not at all. A part of me still thinks that. However, the other part is appreciative to the amount of creativity that Sledgehammer have brought to the table. By “creativity”, I don’t mean Sunset Overdrive levels of creativity, but definitely more than previous entries in the franchise. The addition of Exo Suits differentiates the gameplay. However, there is an essence of Titanfall about it, with the return of the double jump, or “boost jump” as it is more accurately dubbed now.

Remember when I said that Batman: Arkham Knight had amazing graphics? Of course you don’t because you are probably a first time reader as we have no reminant of a fanbase whatsoever. Anyway, remember when I said Batman: Arkham Knight had amazing graphics? Well, Sledgehammer have took the nail on the head, knocked it out of the park, hit the armadillo, did a really good job, mainly due to the fact that they used very special and shiny motion capture technology. You could practically feel Kevin Spacey’s smooth cheeks.


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Very rarely would I single out a single thing for it’s single excellence, singularly. That being said, I feel as if I would be insulting the loyalty of you, dearest reader, without mentioning the brilliance of Kevin Spacey’s performance. I can already hear the moans and groans of those reading this. However, when the initial gimmick of “Woah! Kevin Spacey’s in a video game!” you really begin to acknowledge that he does a damn fine job. Maybe not “Keyse- Verbal Klint or John D-”  fine job, but definitely better than… Lex…Luthor *shudder*.


All this relative goodness is almost nullified by the atrociously formulaic story. When Strongman Actionhero (or something to that effect) has his arm amputated in the same battle that killed his friend, his friend’s father (Spacey), owner of a private army-for-hire, offers him a place in his ranks. He is caught up in a tale of twists and turns and double-crosses galore. Standard Call of Duty affairs, right? Right. Maybe “nullified” is a bit strong, perhaps minor irritation is a more accurate description.

For those who have played the story all the way through (in which case this isn’t really for you but stay anyway because we wouldn’t mind the traffic, makes us feel better about ourselves), then you would question the glorious picture of our everlasting idol Sir. Bill Paxton. If not, well you better prepare yourself for the onslaught of information that’s coming your way, sucka. And if you don’t know who Bill Paxton is, then you better prepare yourself for me coming to your house and personally stoning you, like biblical times, sucka.

Bill Paxton, along with John Malkovich (yeah) and a cast of unknowns, by “cast” I mean two, are part of the all important zombies mode that is probably, along with the multiplayer (which I will not mention for the reason being that I played for two minutes, got my ass handed to me on a silver platter and left promptly), is probably the only thing that keeps the series afloat these days, yeah, I said it. However, this time, the zombies are equipped with Exo Suits for some reason, a reason that probably has the same amount of explaining to do as the fact that there are zombies now for some odd reason. Nevertheless, I’m sure it is pretty similar to the previous zombie modes, but a little bit harder due to the fact that the zombies can jump higher? Is that it? Oh. They’re a little bit stronger aswell. And? That’s it? Really? Oh.

Multiplayer is the same. IT’S THE SAME. Oh God. Oh No.

To conclude, Call of Duty is like a Kardashian. It looks good, but there is very little difference from the previous one. You may think there wasn’t a lot of effort put into this article but, seeing that the last Call of Duty came out a year before, there mustn’t have been a lot of effort put into this game either, so suck on that. It’s tolerable though.


Lots of hugs, kisses and lacerations

Uncle Milo.

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