Top Ten Animated Movies – Milo

Yesterday, in my Big Hero 6 review, I hinted at this. I wasn’t really intending for this to actually become a thing, yet I was bored and I thought; “I know! I hinted at a Top Ten, so I’ll do one!” No, not “do one” as in do one, “do one” as in do a top ten. So I did. The only criteria I have is no Christmas films because I become extremely bias and sentimental when it comes to Christmas and I would like to avoid over-saturating my website with it, and instead focus it on the people around me.

10. Shark Tale

I would forgive you for leaving this article now. If you haven’t left, I promise, after this, will start getting to the more widely well recieved films. If you need convincing, the reason I am a fan of this film is mostly nostalgia. Now, for those not born in the noughties, the very idea of a film made in 2004 having nostalgia may seem ludicrous. To those people I say, “Oh how wrong you are, my friend.” I can appreciate that it isn’t the most original setting for a film on the planet, nor is it the best written, or animated. However, the wide array of characters and rather unique story can easily outweigh these minor faults.

9. The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn

This sort of goes under the radar when people think of good animated films. Then when other, better people mention it, the aforementioned cretin go “Oh yeah! I remember Tontan.” This is obviously a theory. On the other hand, I might be completely and utterly wrong and you can all, momentarily, hate me for it. This film perfectly captures the spirit of adventure from the comics and I think Jamie Bell did an absolutely fantastic job of voicing the adventurer in question, with equally great performances from Andy Serkis and Daniel Craig.

8. Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Wallace & Gromit! Watching one of their shorts is like drinking a mug of hot chocolate under a large blanket in front of a roaring fire. So imagine that but an 1hr 25mins of it. Absolute perfection. No, no I won’t go on about how they’re “quintessiantially British” or any of that balls. However, I will go on about how the film itself is well written, targeting multiple audiences at once, and translates the slapstick action and goofy humour to big screen perfectly.

7. Big Hero 6

Now if you clicked the link at the top for the review of this, then you can skip this if you want, as I will basically be say the sort of things as I did in that. For those who didn’t read that, Big Hero 6 is mainly marketed as a “family-action-comedy” but, for now, we’re going to forget about the about the family comedy and focus on the action. In fact, lets just completely forget about the family comedy because, aside from a few chuckleworthy jokes, the comedy is pretty groanish. The action, however, oh, the sweet, sweet hyperactive action. That is enough to make this list alone.

6. Akira

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ha ha ha. Ha. You thought this was a list of kiddie cartoons. Oh, that is rich. This is no kiddie cartoon, this is a grown-up cartoon. I wonder how many times I can get away with calling this a cartoon. With it’s complex sci-fi storyline and awesome cyberpunk style, this an essential cartoon for the more adult crowd.

Ok, Anime. Happy now?

Halfway through, I want to see you suffer… through the next half.

5. Wreck-It Ralph

Yay! Now that we’re out of the veritable shitestorm that is talking about anime, we can take a brief but hopefully useful look at my favourite Disney film (excluding Pixar, of course). One of the better things about this film is that it doesn’t pander to the younger crowd. While showing universally known characters like Sonic and Pac Man, there is also references to other classic arcade games like Tapper and Street Fighter. This is also proof that Disney can make a film featuring any licensed character they want and no one to bats an eyelid.

4. The Incredibles

Ok. Now we are getting into the seriously good stuff. One question, can you handle it? I have no idea where to even start with this one. You know when I said to ignore the family comedy aspect of Big Hero 6. This is family action comedy done so, so right. Every single joke is on point, from Frozone losing his supersuit to Edna Mode, just Edna freakin’ Mode. Not just that, oh no, the action is absolutely fantastic, with battles occuring in volcanoes, jungles and city streets against deadly assassins and mental supervillains and massive robots. You think I’m done? Nope! All the characters are completely grounded and fleshed out fully, even Jack Jack, and that is a really hard thing to do with such a huge cast of different characters. Oh god, it’s like being four years old again.

The top 3. Strap in for an exciting, dangerous and slightly sensual ride, only joking. Unless… you’re… um… like into that? That’s fine if you are. Please don’t leave. Please.

3. Monsters Inc.

Perhaps throughout this list you were thinking; “Where’s all the Pixar? Is this guy tasteless or summut?” Well, here it is. You asked for it, presumably, and I’m going to start giving it to you. Lets take away the “action” from our little “family action comedy” sandwich I insist on referencing throughout the list. What are we left with? “Family comedy” that’s what we’re left with and that’s what this is. Probably the best one on the list. “Why is No. 3?” I hear you uncontrollably scream while throwing your beverage all over your nice, new carpet. Because the other two are better, capiche? The comedy aspect is probably helped by the fact that Billy Crystal stars alongside John Goodman and that leads to some top notch, and I can’t believe I’m about to actually say this in a serious context, banter. I hate myself too.

2. The Lego Movie

A new one? WHAT? Calm down, figment of my imagination. This is really, really good film. To be honest, this should be number four on the list. However, I thought that having an all Pix… nothing. Oh screw it, I thought that having an all Pixar top three would seem a bit bias. Now your issue is, which Pixar film is No.1? I bet you think you know, I bet you don’t. Anyway, we’ll get round to that in a bit. First, I need to talk about this to make it seem like a valid entry, even though it is. It’s a damn good film with genuinely funny moments. It’s also the first self-referential kids film I’ve ever seen, and I love that. It picks out things that we all used to, or still do, when playing with Lego, like make boat noises and that twist at the end, I don’t think anyone saw coming.

Now before we get to the biggest of the big guns, we’re going to briefly “obscure your view of No.1”. No! I refuse to get over it.

Toy Story (*gasp* Scandal!)

Shrek 2

Bee Movie

Madagascar

Robots

Rango

Now No. 1. Have guessed it from the various hints I have left throughout the article. I’ll give you a minute to check… Only joking, there is no hints. Life has no hints. Sometimes your girlfriend doesn’t give you hints before she sleeps with Mark. I hate you, Mark. You ruined me. Anyway!

1. Finding Nemo

So this is No. 1. There is comedy. There is suspense. However, that is all overshadowed by the simply amazing visuals and lovely story and writing. Each character is brilliantly charming, making all of them your favourite. The cinematography is beautiful, reminding me personally of a Kubrick film. The story is truly heartwarming with a perfect ending, both tieing all loose ends and leaving it open for a sequel. You’ll never see or hear or read anything I write that bad mouths this film. This is because there are no faults that I can see in it’s entirety. Most animated, family films have at least a few jokes in it that are completely groanworthy and just plain unfunny. However, this is not the case with Finding Nemo, with every single joke making me laugh. It is just a perfect film and it deserves to be No. 1, more than anything else on any other list I’ve done.

So that’s it. You may be thinking; “Uncle, oh Uncle, Speedy did a top ten movies and was done with it. Why can’t you do the same?” My answer is that’s a shame. I’ll do what I please. Sucka.

Lots of hugs, kisses and lacerations

Uncle Milo