Even though we’ve got a good few more films to gobble up this year (Star Wars, Spectre etc.), there is a lot to look foward to in the f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-future. We’ve got returning characters, new characters, cash-ins, cash-outs, sequels to films we can barely remember and films that we know nothing about. What I’m about to do is I’m going to take 2, maybe 2 and half, hours out of my time to write a list of films that YOU need to see so that you don’t have to decide for youself! YAY! Movie dicatorship!
10. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
If you’re super cool, you would have already read the book and will know how good it is. I must say that the new trailer has slightly disheartened me because there wasn’t much zombie slaying as I would have prefered, but I’m sure it will still be pretty good.
9. Ratchet and Clank
What?! Why?! When?! Whom?! Are all questions brought up when I was confronted for the trailer for this on the IMDb homepage without any warning, this is coming from someone who checks the “coming soon” page of IMDb fairly regularly. Then I watched it, the trailer I mean, and I was fairly satisfied. Most surprising is Speedy’s lack of mentioning it since it came out, as he is, to my knowledge, rather infatuated with the game series, but then that may just be down to Speedy’s lack of knowledge about everything in general.
If there is one thing I love and that I wish there were more Roger Rabbit-y movies about, it’s anthropomorphic animals. Cheeky little dig about the plot of this movie aside, I do love me some anthropomorphic animals. No! NO! It’s not that type of website. I don’t love them in a deviantart (shudder) way, I love them in a “Wow. These guys are so much better than animalistic animals.” It may be a new direction for anthropmorphism in general, but I’m sure Disney will not disappoint.
7. Zoolander 2
This is one of the more wary entries to this list because time has shown again and again that comedy sequels can either be pretty good or cursed sacrilege to the ever better original;
A perfect example. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy is most definitely my favourite comedy of all time. When I saw the teaser for Anchorman 2, I’m not gonna lie, I almost peed myself. OK, I didn’t but the sentiment was still there. Then, I watched it and was so disappointed with the recycled jokes and unfunny sex references. Now, I liked Zoolander, but it sure as hell ain’t no Anchorman and if Anchorman 2 can be so bad, then I don’t even know what monstrosity Zoolander 2 could be. Emphasis of “could” because it could be even better than the original and that’s what gets it a place on this list.
6. Doctor Strange
Almost the rest of this list are going to be superhero flicks so prepare yourself, son. If don’t know who Doctor Strange is or if you have any doubts about if Marvel can pull this off, cast your mind back to a slightly familiar time; 2013, where we were told that Marvel, fresh off of Iron Man 3, were releasing a film involving a talking raccoon, now read Speedy’s review of Guardians of the Galaxy to see exactly what we, and most other people on the planet, thought of it. Read it? good. If you didn’t, you terrible person, then let me sum it up for you; we gave it a 93, that’s high. However, you’re on this website, so of course you know who Doctor Strange is. Finally, just to really hammer home that this is gonna be good, Benedict Cumberbatch is playing the lead, yes, Sherlock himself.
Now here’s something for the fandom;
You’ve seen five, now see another five because reasons that exist.
5. X-Men: Apocalypse
Told you there would be more superheros, didn’t I? Yes, I did. The X-Men franchise has been going reasonably strong for the past fifteen years, yeah, that’s right, fifteen years. This will be the fifth entry in the franchise, seeing that Days of Future Past made the events of the god-awful Last Stand moot and we DO NOT talk about X-Men Origins: Wolverine unless it’s about the generally mediocre-to-good game. After a sly, little teaser after the credits of Days of Future Past, expectations are pretty damn high for the grand finale? I think it might be the finale, but don’t quote me on that, I didn’t really do my research. I’m around 80-85% sure that it’s the finale and with Bryan Singer at the helm, I’m 90-99% sure that it will be a brilliant film, even without Petey Dink-Dinks.
4. Captain America: Civil War
For some reason, Captain America has always been one of my favourite superheroes, even though he doesn’t have any super-awesome powers. Don’t get me wrong, super enhanced everything is pretty cool but he doesn’t have a fire breathing tail that can sing Whitney Houston songs while disemboweling enemies, does he? Nevertheless, Cap has been with the MCU since phase one and I’m very excited to see one of my favourite Marvel storylines come to life. Plus, everyone needs more Robert Downey Jr. in their life.
It’s the top three suckaz (Don’t tell anyone, but I just copied my joke from my Top Ten British Comedies)
3. Suicide Squad
This film has so, so much going for it, hype-wise. The gradual release of teasers, cast photos, magazine appearance has made everyone and their mother antsy for more. Personally, I was already aware of Suicide Squad and thought they were pretty cool but then I saw Jared Leto and Margot Robbie and Will Smith and… um… the other ones in full costume and I was just like “I think I’m going to like this.” I love the dark, demented tone the film looks like it’s going to take and it’s just a matter of time before, god forbid, we see Jared Leto as the best Joker, no! No! It’s only a theory, don’t worry.
Before we get to No. 1, let us have a little look at the films that I am also looking foward to, just not as much as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
Kung Fu Panda 3
Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice
Now You See Me: The Second Act
The Secret Life of Pets
I know what you’re thinking; “WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT, HMM? WHERE’S NO. 2, EH?” Don’t worry, figment of my imagination, all will be explained.
1. Deadpool AND Finding Dory
You’re goddamn right I picked two.
We have established in previous reviews that I am a massive Deadpool fan, so when I heard that they were making a film, I actually did pee myself and I don’t care. Then, I heard it was going to be an 18 (or R for our American readers), which was reassuring because it might have been watered down like weak squash. Then, I watched the teaser and I was very happy, for all of the reasons. Actually, that was a lie. I watched the leaked footage, then I watched the teaser. Then the leaked, early Comic-Con trailer was on Youtube and, unlike some other people (looking at you, Dad), I didn’t watch it, as I respect the filmmakers decision, even though I did actually watch the leaked footage. Then, I watched the actual official trailer and was so indescribably ecstatic. Then, I had a burrito and started to concieve a plan to get into an 18 rated film at the cinema. So, basically, this film has had more leaks that a pirate ship made from swiss cheese, and I like swiss cheese.
From my tearjerking praise of Finding Nemo in my Top Ten Animated Movies, I think we all know my opinions of it. Now, we are faced with the so-close-you-can-taste-it release of Finding Dory. Dory, the Ellen-Degeneresy fish from the first film, was fan favourite from I can gather. Though not much is known about it at this moment, I’m sure we can expect some familiar characters as well as some new faces.
Lots of hugs, kisses and lacerations