Just to show that it ain’t all albums in this category, and to ram it even more down ya’ throats, I’m here to do another RANKED for youse.
If you don’t like Marvel’s movie output, I probably don’t like you. Every year they usually pull it out of the bag and, even when they don’t, they’re still alright, except for some of these lower movies. This intro is waffling and I don’t like where it’s going, lemme do the rules and then we can do this shizzle, yeah?
Obviously, this is strictly MCU, which is anything produced by Marvel Studios and is, usually, Avengers related and after 2008. This means no X-Men, no Raimi’s Spider-Man or Daredevil, sadly. M’kay, now we’ve established all the things, let us do this shi-sizzle.
The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Easily the least memorable and the worst of all, this early MCU effort was so average that they effectively erased it with the casting of Mark Ruffalo in The Avengers. That being said, it wasn’t all bad, as it was stupid enough to be entertaining on a “flashing colours, big explosions” level, not unlike what I’m expecting of Independence Day: Resurgence. Like One Hot Minute, this film’s poor quality is emphasised by the fact that it followed an absolutely brilliant film in Iron Man, making the main reaction to this one of resounding disappointment.
Thor: The Dark World (2014)
Before writing this, I thought this was my least favourite MCU film, but then again I had completely forgotten about Hulk so, y’know. I have never been too big a fan of Thor as a character, probably down to the fantasy elements popped into the character, just ain’t ma style. However, I didn’t mind Thor’s first entry, I thought Chris Hemsworth made him pretty cool and, obviously, Loki was a hunk. That being said, anything that made the first one tolerable was lost in his sequel, with the addition of way more Kat Dennings and who needs that?
Iron Man 2 (2010)
We all knew it’d only be a matter of time. Whereas Reuben hates it with a vengeance and I never said it was alright, it definitely isn’t completely awful. Well, it is by MCU standards, but compare it to Alvin And The Chipmunks: The Road Chip and quit ya’ complainin’. Although the dialogue was doubtedly at it’s worst in this one, the action and FX was decent and, although he was a bit stupid, Whiplash with the addition of Mickey Rourke’s MESSED UP face did look pretty cool.
As we’ve established, I’m not usually down fo’ that whole magic and monsters deal, which is what Thor is; Marvel’s Norse Fantasy Ting. I just ain’t down fo’ that. Although I can see the appeal in it, and it definitely wasn’t a bad film, not at all, it just doesn’t tickle my fancy, or any of my other body parts while we’re at it.
Iron Man 3 (2013)
The only things that make this better than its Iron Man predecessor are the nice little nods to the comics here and there, with the addition of Aldrich Killian and Rescue, as well as Ben Kingsley’s top-notch performance, even though it was used in a ridiculously stupid way, and Jon Favreau’s involvement, just because I like Jon Favreau. However, the story was a complete clusterflop of weird seriousness that could be summed up in the poster. It also had a lot Tony Stark being macho which I didn’t like. There was just a lot of weird things going wrong in this film and I’m sure Shane Black would like to remove this from his otherwise stellar filmography.
Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015)
Now we’re leaving the realm of bad, we can start talking a bit more positively about these films which, much to Reuben’s begrudgement, I’ma start doin’ here! Though we all hate Scarlet Witch who can SHUT UP, the majority of this film was the same entertainment from the first Avengers, except less cool, less funny and with a bit more of a crap story. But it’s still alright, though!
Now we are definitely into the good-uns now, yeah? Though Ant-Man wouldn’t really be considered your more standard Marvel fare as, I felt, it was more aimed as a comedy and less of an action with a bit of comedy, especially with the casting of Paul Rudd, a comedic actor, in the title role. That being said, I would like my superhero fare to have a bit more proper action in there and some of the jokes were a bit cringe. Maybe things could’ve gone differently if Edgar Wright stayed on. Ah! What a wonderful world that could’ve been.
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Admittedly, I have a soft spot for this one, which probably why it’s higher than Ant-Man, as it was one of my first memories of gawping at the cinema. However, there is a lot going in this film that people seem to forget when considering great Marvel, or superhero, films. The action is absolutely stellar, giving us a great preview of what was to come in Winter Soldier, sometimes even bettering its sequel. On top of that, there is a lot pretty funny moments that people also seem to forget, as well as the always superb Hugo Weaving playing a great villain in Red Skull and it remaining pretty true to source material.
Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Definitely up there as one the most explosive Marvel films to date, the latest addition to the universe has more than enough action to hold it’s own with the big boys and an ensemble cast of characters to help, with the welcome addition of Black Panther. With a puzzling moral compass not seen in many blockbusters, the film forces you to pick who to root for, sparking the “Team Cap/Team Iron Man” debate, which I think is a great move marketing-wise. On top of this, none of the characters lack too much screen time, except for Ant-Man, who could’ve given the proper comedy injection the film admittedly needed. This is a double-edged sword, however, as we also got a lot of Scarlet SHUT UP Witch and a very disappointing Spider-Man, in my opinion.
Iron Man (2008)
Marvel’s debut hit us like a ton of iron ingots, especially seeing that the last time we saw Iron Man, he looked more like Bucket Man. Director Jon Favreau established the comedic tone that we’d see throughout the MCU, as well as the storylines that feel like they climbed out of a comic book, had a nice cup of tea and some hobnobs and then leapt onto our cinema screens. We were also treated by Robert Downey Jr. in one my favourite performances of the decade, and that’s probably an overstatement if I gave it some thought.
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
For balls-out action and a great superhero thriller, you can’t get anything better than this, ‘cept for The Dark Knight, but this is Marvel so… uh… I dunno actually…
For a great superhero, espionage thriller, you can’t get better than this. As I’ve established in previous articles, I am one for punching and kicking and I love great fistfights, which this film has in utter multitudes, it is beautiful. As well as that, we’ve also got some of the best movie moments of this decade, and that isn’t an understatement, just check my Top Ten Comic Book Movies to see what I’m talking about. Oh you know I put a link there as well!
Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014)
Lemme give ya’ some knowledge, yeah? This is an absolutely fantastic film, one of the best films of all time and a whirlwind of fun. From the director of Lollipop Chainsaw and Slither, James Gunn, comes an absolute storm of brilliance. The space-faring, sci-fi action was ridiculously explosive and exhilarating. Now, this alone gave it the “Flashing Colours, Big Explosions” seal of approval. However, what put it above that was the always on-point humour, great cast of characters and a top-notch soundtrack. Who’da thunk it?
Avengers Assemble (2012)
I mean, how could it not be? My favourite superhero film until a certain merc took his mouth and stole my heart, Avengers Assemble is the epitome of everything I love in a superhero movie. Though The Dark Knight is undoubtedly a brilliant film, Avengers is the best superhero film due to the way it casts ridiculously colourful characters in equally colourful stories and it not be completely laughable. It takes the best bits from each of the films and merges them in a beautiful cacophony of superhero awesomosity. Every moment of this film I was entertained, every fight scene was exceptional, everything was marvellous.
Lots of hugs, kisses and lacerations