It’s Christmas innit? I mean, it’s close enough to Christmas for it to count as Christmas, yeah? We’re within the 12 days for all you Christmas purists. I think it is universally the season to be jolly. Good, now that we’ve got that cleared up, let’s talk about the true meaning of Christmas — consumerism.
Since the dawn of the festive season, it has become human nature to gorge on things ranging from food to films, and enjoy doing so. However, within the midst of such busy and frantic time, you might forget some things. This may be a film or two, a snack that you might have missed out on, a song that you forgot. However, no fear, I’m here to remind you to do all these things before Santa rears his mug ’round that tinsel-adorned corner. So, without further ado, this is all stuff you should be doing this Christmas.
Films have been a huge part of my life since as far back as I can remember, at all times of the year. However, there are a collection of films that I have held oh-so-dearest and nearest to my non-existent heart that always make an appearance in December. Basically, Imma list all of my favourites with a little bit of detail and then quickly round off the others that you might wanna watch.
The Polar Express (2004) – This is my favourite Christmas film, this is my Christmas film. I cannot remember a Christmas Eve where I haven’t watched this in my 15 years on this god-forsaken planet. There is an element of magic seen in the atmosphere of this flick that I just don’t feel in movies anymore, yet this one always brings it out in me.
How The Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) – Another family favourite of mine, Jim Carrey’s portrayal of the titular green meanie remains a staple of my holiday season and it is one of the only Christmas films that is genuinely, properly funny, yet heartwarming all the same. Also, Reuben reviewed it last Christmas sooooo – CLICK PLEASE.
Elf (2003) – Like The Grinch, Elf is another properly funny Christmas flick with a lot of heart in the centre of it. It’s driven, obviously, by Will Ferrell’s timeless performance as Buddy, which will go down in the same rights as Ron Burgundy and Ricky Bobby in terms of the man himself, as well as some of the best one-liners in a Christmas film.
A Christmas Carol (2009) – Though I understand others may prefer the older renditions of this classic tale, or indeed the Muppet version, which is another favourite of mine, my favourite telling of A Christmas Carol lies in the uniquely (to say the least) animated and joyous 2009 remake, with Jim Carrey stealing the show in the lead role.
While these may be my favourite Christmas films, there are an abundance of others I could’ve written about, so I’ll list ’em off real quick. You got Arthur Christmas, Aardman’s quality tale, Muppets’ Christmas Carol, I’ve mentioned this, Home Alone, what a classic, Christmas Vacation, another flippin’ classic, Jingle All The Way, put tha coookie daown, and The Nightmare Before Christmas, yes, it IS a Christmas film, despite what the director says.
I like food. If you don’t like food, what the hell is wrong with you. Along with being overall slobs over the Christmas holidays, we embrace the deadly sin of gluttony as well! So that’s peachy. Now, I’m not talking about your standard turkey dinner in this section, as that would be boring, I’m talking about all that sweet, sweet snacking you better be doing. Also, as a resident of the UK, I’m sure my faves will be vastly different to those of our friends abroad, so feel free to leave a comment telling me what you’ll be stuff yo’ face wit’!
Quality Street – Chocolate always plays a big part in my Christmas, from the first door of my advent calendar to the last segment of chocolate orange in February. And it ain’t like there isn’t study competition from other chocolate assortments, but Quality Street has always gotten my vote because of just how damn Christmassy they are, you won’t be getting any toffee pennies in flippin’ June that’s fer sure. In fact, this year, I spent a tenner on the 1kg tin, let’s ‘ave it. Honourable mentions go to Cadbury’s Heroes and Celebrations, those are both awesome in their own right. But f**k Roses.
‘lets – I know what you’re thinking, what the hell is a ‘let? Let me explain. I mean Twiglets and Cheeselets. Picture the scene, it’s three o’clock in the afternoon on Christmas day, the turkeys just began to settle and you start to feel active again. You reach your hand out to the centre of the living room and- ah! There’s nothing there! I tell you something, a bowl of twiglets would work a treat; and that they do.
This ain’t a food blog, so I won’t dive too deep into this. Here are some other foods I enjoy filling my body with: Chocolate Orange and After Eights, both go down a treat in the evening, as well as Matchmakers, which never last past a day in my house. And then you’ve got your standard peanuts and cheesy nibbles that Christmas would be lost without, but that’s a given.
Alright, I’m not even gonna pretend that it’s gonna get basic in a minute, ok? If you want me to review a Radiohead or Bjork album or something to make up for it, I could do that in the new year, but, for now, I’m gonna blush about the same classic Christmas choons that you’ll see every radio station blushing about. But you know, I’m listening to Method Man as I write this so…
All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey – Oh yes, oh yes indeed. This is the Polar Express of Christmas songs. We’ve got the essential jingle bells ringing away in the background, as well as Carey bringing a clean performance, with her famed falsetto on full form, don’t get it twisted. Oh and, also, if you even dare listen to the one she did with Justin Bieber, you can expect me at your door almost immediately with a half-can of weed killer, a cactus and a dead cat. You don’t wanna know what happens next.
I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day – Wizzard – What a brilliant song. Chaboi Roy Wood is back to make you feel all fuzzy inside, and I do NOT mean it that way. The co-founder of ELO made himself another hit with this festive classeek and, with a universal message and a saxophone solo, what can’t you do?
Fairytale Of New York – The Pogues ft. Kirsty McColl – Though it has a gleeful instrumentation about it and an overall jovial atmosphere, the lyrics to this song, especially the first half, are dreadfully depressing. However drunken and croony Shane McGowan sounds, though, this song will always be made by Kirsty McColl’s feature, as it never fails to entertain me, particularly when I play the “Will They Censor Faggot?” game when it comes on the radio.
Merry Christmas Everyone – Shakin’ Stevens – Well, hot damn! Cardiff’s answer to Elvis Presley makes an appearance here and it’s no wonder considering the catchiness of this quality track. You could make plenty of inappropriate jokes about the video, of course, but why would you want to? This remains a damn good Christmas tune and one that has remained a staple of the UK Christmas.
A couple of other songs I could’ve mentioned would be Slade’s Merry Xmas Everyone, The Waitresses’ Christmas Wrapping, Paul McCartney’s Wonderful Christmas Time and The Darkness’ Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End). It took me 13 years to realise that said bellend.
Anyway, this’ll probably be me last article of the year, as it looks like I’m pretty busy over the next few weeks. That being said, I might be able to slip in one more review, and I’m sure Reuben’s got one more in ‘im, so it ain’t all bad. Still, it seems apt to say Merry Christmas at this point, so Merry Christmas!
Lots of hugs, kisses and lacerations